If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
