Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
