There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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