it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
