my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
