yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
