True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
