it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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