We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dignity is for republicans.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
