the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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