i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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