Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
