The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize