That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
