I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
