I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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