we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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