i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
