That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
