I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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