16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
