It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
