The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
