Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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