guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
