I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
