He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
