i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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