Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No subtext here. People are naked.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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