Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
