that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
