just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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