i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
