While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Randomize
