why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
