Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
