When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
