Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
