I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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