in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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