Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize