Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
