Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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