I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
