the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
