i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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