did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
