we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
