and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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