i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize