Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
