Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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