on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
