i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize