I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
