ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
