A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize