hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
