You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
