i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
