OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
