Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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